apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
