vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
