What a fucking waste of an outfit
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
