batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
