My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
