Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
