yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
