Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
