So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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