I looked at my own cervix.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
