She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
