when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
