During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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