call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
