I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
it was like eating out sand paper
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
