new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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