Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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