he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
