I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
