U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
