Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
