Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
