when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
