So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
