I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
