you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
