Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
