I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
