Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
