It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
did i walk over a car last night?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
