First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
