Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
