I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
