Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
