I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
