Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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