Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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