GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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