Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
