Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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