Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
