Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
i now understand why vodka
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
