If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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