her vagina looked like bernie madoff
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
