One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
