Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
