I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
