a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
