Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
