Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
